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05/23/2003 Archived Entry: "Procter: ' George Bush Doesn't Exist'"
Procter: 'George Bush Doesn't Exist'
I'm not a conspiracy nut. I'm almost certain we landed on the moon in 1968.
I don't believe the government is monitoring my brain activity through the
fillings in my teeth (although I suspect Admiral Poindexter is working on
this, and John Ashcroft will crowbar an authorization of it into the fine
print of Patriot Act III). And I'm almost completely certain George W. Bush
doesn't exist.
QUESTIONS:
Do you EVER see this alleged person alone, unscripted, and outside a
"staged" environment? EVER?
Do you EVER hear him say ANYTHING that hasn't been scripted down to the
'lovable malapropism' by the Karl Rove friendly-face-of-fascism wingnut
marketing gurus who are selling this fake?
Do you EVER hear of him doing anything vaguely human? All we know about him
personally is that he has two interests in life crippling the government's
ability to finance itself, and clearing brush on "his" ranch in Crawford.
(How much brush can one ranch have???)
Do you EVER see him do anything that couldn't easily be done by a genial,
second-rate dinner theater actor?
Okay, follow me now. The year is 1946. The Democrats have been in the White
House for fourteen years straight. In that time, they've passed Social
Security (over the Republicans dead bodies), they've kicked Hitler's ass in
World War II (over the hard-core isolationist Republicans dead bodies), and
they've taken over the Supreme Court. In 1946, the Republicans are desperate
to come up with a winning strategy to repeal every advance of the Roosevelt
years, and return America to the giddy, unregulated whoopee-capitalism that
produced the Wall Street crash of 1929 and the Great Depression. But how?
Anyone who has seen Hitchcock's "North by Northwest" remembers "George
Kaplan," the non-existent person manufactured by the CIA. In the film, the
bad guys think that Cary Grant is George Kaplan, who is nothing more than a
useful fiction for the good guys. I'm saying that the Republicans created a
useful fiction in 1946 named "George Bush," and we're seeing the "end-game"
of this scenario play out now.
The wingnuts tried cramming their retro-program down America's throat in
1964 with an honest candidate, Barry Goldwater. Goldwater said exactly what
he was going to do dismantle the New Deal, drop nuclear bombs on North
Vietnam, etc. and the American people ran screaming into the arms of
Lyndon Johnson. The next attempt at Wingnut Dominance came in the form of
Ronald Reagan. By this time, they had figured out that if you're going screw
the middle and lower classes, you were going to have to run Mr. Likeable,
and "finesse" the language to an Orwellian degree. Reagan got elected,
deficits soared, the military got every toy it wanted, but the hardest of
the hardcore wingnuts became disenchanted. The problem? Nancy. She insisted
that the craziest of the ideologue true-believers (James Watt, Ollie North)
had to go, to "insure Ronnie's place in history."
Okay my theory is that the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy now activated
"Operation Dubya." In the year 2000, they needed a likeable candidate to get
just enough votes to shove Al Gore and the Democrats over the side. Karl
Rove contacted his small army of look-alikes. There was a "debate" Dubya, a
"photo op" Dubya, a "family" Dubya this way he always looked fresh and
rested. And since all he ever did was mutter "compassionate Conservative"
and "lock box," Rove and Company got away with it!
No actual flesh and blood human being could ever be so bereft of original
thought as George W. Bush. No actual human being could lie American into a
war and send 151 American soldiers to their deaths with nothing more than a
hearty "Hoo-yah!" like George W. Bush. No human being could work so hard to
damage so many innocent people as George W. Bush. The reason has to be that
THERE IS NO GEORGE W. BUSH. He's literally an empty suit, a "logo"
configured to deliver the message of the radical wingnuts who want to wreck
everything America's built in the last 71 years.
"George W. Bush" as conceived by Rove and Company is not a human being. He's
a relentless, inexorable 'marketing position' with fake flesh. He never goes
"off message" because he doesn't have a brain just a loudspeaker in his
head broadcasting the thoughts of his 'handlers'. He can cut school lunch
programs, Medicare benefits and military pensions because only a flesh and
blood person can feel compassion. He has no shame about preening in a flight
suit in front of real military personnel after dodging actual Military
service because shame is a human emotion, and Bush is just a useful fiction.
You probably think I'm crazy. But have you ever seen any group so terrified
of letting their candidate face a real reporter, and an actual, unscripted
question? Don't you think Rove and Company are petrified that Helen Thomas
will stand up at a press conference and ask, "Mr. Bush, isn't it true that
you're NOT REALLY George Bush, but Herman R. Bondurant, most recently seen
in ŚCome Blow Your Horn' at Texarkana's ŚWay Off Broadway' Dinner Theater?
And that in fact George W. Bush does not, and never has existed?" He'd have
some explaining to do!
I'm sending this article to Seymour Hersch.
Replies: 8 people speak up
Ya got a point. I'm not fully convinced, but I'm leaning.
But if there is any doubt in your mind that we landed on the moon, you might like to check out badastronomy.com. Phil Plait, an astronomer who works on Hubble, pummels the "moon hoax" conspiracy whackos (and also the "Planet X" kooks.)
Posted by madprophet @ 05/24/2003 01:28 AM NY
Oh, baby, you really hit the mother lode with this thread.
That one was the best you've done since I came across your Site a few weeks ago. Witty, clever, and oh so true. Hell, even Fortune magazine (during the 2000 campaign) referred to our future Cartoon as an emprty suit.
I have this recurring wetdream: the Automaton occasionally referred to as Bush finishes one of his typical Riefenstahlesque press conferences with the usual pack of media whores. Leaving the press room, the Automaton inadvertently takes a wrong turn and runs into Helen Thomas. With live cameras rolling, Ms. Thomas procedes to launch difficult, insightful, penetrating questions at the Automaton. Without its handlers, the Automaton panics ("danger, Will Robinson!"). It's eyes bulge out and dart to-and- fro. Its tongue protrudes between pursed lips. Sweaty palms are wiped against its suit jacket. Finally, the Automaton issues its first unscripted words ever! With cameras rolling, it would look into the camera with vacuous eyes and blurt, "gaaaaaaaaa."
Yes, that is my auto-erotic dream. Please, God, please, make it happen!
Posted by Metropolitan99 @ 05/24/2003 01:32 AM NY
One tiny aside: we landed on the moon in '69, not '68.
Posted by Metropolitan99 @ 05/24/2003 01:34 AM NY
Messed up on this one, and didn't include the entire article. Link is fixed now.
Sorry 'bout that.
Posted by editor @ 05/24/2003 03:35 AM NY
You are so right on this observation of the "robot". Is he a presidential version of the Stepford Wives? Although my opinion of Tony Blair has dropped significantly, have you ever seen him go up before the House of Commons and actually answer questions from Parliament. He can actually debate( and is pretty good too) and think off the top of his head! Wouldn't you love Bush to have to go before Congress and actually debate and answer questions like this! I wonder what format the presidential debates will have in 2004? I wonder if the robot will have a hidden ear piece in order to answer questions with Rove hiding in a backroom feeding him all the right lines. Remember how his last two pre-war appearances looked ...the press conference and when he went to Spain with Anzar and Blair? His answers were pathetic. He really looked stupid. I am embarrassed by his lack of intelligence. He should be too. But oh yeah, robots don't have human feelings.
Posted by couldntresist @ 05/24/2003 09:39 AM NY
Love him or hate him, Bush has got to be one of the least intelligent, least articulate presidents in the history of this country. (Has anyone done a review of all US presidents, ranking them by intelligence?) Seriously, could you imagine what this country would look like if Bush had been one of the Founding Fathers? Now that's a chilling thought.
Is Bush really as ignorant as I think he is, or is he just pretending to be a knucklehead?
Posted by Metropolitan99 @ 05/24/2003 11:44 AM NY
I like this theory but it has one fatal flaw:
Ronald Reagan was a "genial,
second-rate dinner theater actor" and, given the proper scripting, was dubbed "The Great Communicator." I've known a few dinner theater actors and, sir, W is no dinner theater actor. He couldn't hold a dinner theater actor's jockstrap. Dinner theater actors have to put up with old people clicking their dentures and asking for more borscht and asking the actors to get their waiters and still maintain a semblance of character and scene. As we have seen time and again, W lacks the capacity to memorize and read his dialogue properly. He lacks the basic improvisational skills any middling actor has. He has very poor presence and his diction and pronunciation are without a doubt the worst we have ever seen in a president and definitely not on a level with dinner theater. Now community theater actors have only a slight edge on W. But they have an edge.
I buy him as a fake president, though. Perhaps he's some kind of CHUD made up to look like what a Bush might look like. I'm thinking he's an evil soulsucking CHUD hell bent on bringing his underground bretheren to the surface to feed on us sun dwellers. Evil evil CHUDs...
Posted by MercuryX23 @ 05/24/2003 12:22 PM NY
National Lampoon apparently once promulgated a similar theory about Jimmy Carter, viz., that he was really an actor named Sidney Goldfarb, trained to project a good-honest-Southern-boy image. (Admittedly, my only source on this is Robert Anton Wilson's book Prometheus Rising, in the chapter on the Snafu Principle.)
Posted by Tuxedo Slack @ 05/24/2003 03:37 PM NY
