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10/14/2003 Archived Entry: "Time to dust off the dark suit again."
Time to dust off the dark suit again.
I come from a big Pennsylvania family - 7 sisters, my big brother and myself. We haven't always been the closest of siblings, but after my mom died a few years ago, we all seemed to make an implicit agreement that we'd try to become closer as a family. Where we rarely spoke before that time, we started to keep in touch more, even though we'd been scattered by life up and down the East Coast. Where most of my sisters and brother stayed in PA or moved south to Maryland, I was what the Irish call 'the wild goose,' and made my way to New York. Even with distance between us, we talked (sometimes argued) by phone, and Kelly and I made trips south and a few of my sisters made the trip up to Long Island to visit our home.
Despite all that we wnt through, together and apart, my siblings and I came to regard ourselves as 'The Group' - people who all faced a tough road in one way or another, but went down that road and survived, and had the rare privilege of being able to laugh at what we had survived.
Today, I got a phone call from one of my sisters. She gave me news that was in all logical ways inevitable, but still shocking and profoundly saddening. My sister Mary Jalloway complained of not feeling well at work, and they called an ambulance for her.
She died on the way to the hospital of a massive heart attack.
The Group faced a lot of bad things - all the death that is inherent in large families, the problems that many of their kids ran into in their lives, the death of our mother, and most recently that of my oldest sister's husband - and somehow being together with them turned us all into a bunch of giggly kids again. Even at the ripe old age of 50, I was still 'little brother,' and felt like it when I was around them.
We were 9 people who saw a lot of life, then looked around at a time of great sadness and realized that no matter what, we really did love and need one another. And for some reason, it never occurred to me that some day there would only be 8 of us. That happened today.
I already miss my big sister Mame, and I feel incredibly old and sad at this moment. God bless and Godspeed, big sis.
And if the title of this post seems a little morbid - don't mind it. It's just a line that we used to use when we were told of a death in our family, back when we were young and death was a whole lot less near.
Replies: 16 people speak up
Hey Editor, this is a lovely tribute. Thanks for reminding me, ever so gently - that the eyes I use to see the world today, are not necessarily the same ones I will have tomorrow. It's good to pay attention.
Posted by nancy @ 10/14/2003 05:27 AM NY
Editor, your sister would be proud that her little brother wrote such a profoundly moving and powerful tribute to her and your family.
Sorry for your loss.
Posted by Tim @ 10/14/2003 08:24 AM NY
Best wishes, thanks for the nice piece. I read your page everyday and thank you for all of your hard work. My thoughts are with you today.
Posted by JONATHAN @ 10/14/2003 09:17 AM NY
Thank you, all.
Sly Stone once wrote a song called 'All I Get To Do Is Sing About It.'
Well, all I get to do for now is write about it. It'll have to do for today, I guess.
Posted by editor @ 10/14/2003 10:32 AM NY
Editor, wonderful words about your sister and your loss. Best wishes.
Posted by Jason @ 10/14/2003 12:29 PM NY
My deepest condolences. The death of a loved one is emotionally traumatic. Hang in there.
I remain a devoted follower of your Blog.
Metro99
Posted by Metropolitan99 @ 10/14/2003 12:34 PM NY
I'm very sorry for your loss. You have my sincere condolences, and you and your family will be in my thoughts.
Posted by Gregory @ 10/14/2003 12:47 PM NY
Simple and profound words on the paths one takes to being a family through the years and the ache when one is no longer walking along with us.
My sincere sympathies.
Posted by cgreen @ 10/14/2003 01:06 PM NY
My sincerest sympathies. I hope your fondest and most cherished memories of your sister will offer you some comfort. Sincerely sorry about your loss.
NHjay
Posted by NHjay @ 10/14/2003 01:26 PM NY
Wow, well-spoken, you serve your family well.
Best to you and yours moving forward.
Posted by Kim @ 10/14/2003 02:16 PM NY
Oh hell. I'm so sorry to hear that. My deepest condolences to you and your family.
Posted by Maru @ 10/14/2003 02:48 PM NY
I read your post with much emotion. I too have a large "group" and I dread the day that I get a call from one of my sisters. But it is inevitable isn't it? I send you many good thoughts and sincerely hope you and your family spend many more happy years together.
Posted by Margaret @ 10/14/2003 05:00 PM NY
You and your family have my deepest sympathies. Your tribute to her (and to your family) is a kind of strength that you and they can use to keep you "up" at this time. Remember the good things, remember the bad things, remember the in-betweens -- most importantly, Remember.
~Patricia.
Posted by PatriciaLV @ 10/14/2003 11:04 PM NY
Please accept my condolences. I can't even imagine losing one of my brothers.
Posted by Dr. Squid @ 10/15/2003 01:02 AM NY
My deepest condolences on the loss of your sister. My mother comes from a large family - 7 siblings - and she is the youngest by far (her oldest sibling is 24 years older than she is...and all 7 had the same mother & father). I grew up with lots of loving aunts & uncles, but, sadly, today there only remains my mother, her older sister, and oldest brother. I can imagine how hard it is on my mom to see her family dwindle in size as the years go on. But they have so many great memories, and great stories! Remember the great memories, great stories about your sister, and she will live on.
Posted by Zgrrl @ 10/16/2003 02:38 AM NY
My sincere condolences. I hope the future is better for you and yours.
Posted by David Yaseen @ 10/19/2003 06:27 PM NY
