Ya Gonna Believe Me or Yer Lyin' Eyes?

Weeell, once again we discover midnight falls at noon, up is down, and Sylvester Stallone is a master thespian. Because that's the world where this makes sense--Dick Cheney says not only is he no Darth Vader, but:

“I think all of that’s been pretty dramatically overdone,” the vice president said. “I’m actually a warm, lovable sort.”

Cheney also insisted that his influence within the Bush administration was overstated throughout the past eight years. “The notion that somehow I was pulling strings or making presidential-level decisions. I was not,” he said.

“There was never any question about who was in charge. It was George Bush. And that’s the way we operated. This whole notion that somehow I exceeded my authority here, was usurping his authority, is simply not true. It’s an urban legend, never happened."

In this version of reality, it's not enough to say "white is the new black"--no, it's more like "white, it's the new turtle."